How did this happen? I guess It’s been a slippery slope since our honeymoon. One minute it’s all hot and steamy then you wake up and wonder where all your sexy lingerie has gone. To be honest I can’t even remember the last time I put on something so ridiculously uncomfortable just for the pleasure of feeling sexy and desirable. Cotton, seamless, and wire-free have become my hashtags du jour, none of which evoke feelings of desire for my husband or signs out signals of "dangerous curves ahead." Instead I’m pretty sure they’re sending out the signal of “proceed with caution," "sleep deprived mother ahead," and "wrong way, go back.”
After talking with my beautiful friend Susana Frioni, a certified Deep Loving Coach, I was faced with a very intimidating question. How is your relationship? My answer was a complete break down. Tears, and frantic hand fanning in hope that the mild movement of air towards my face was going to dry up two years of emotions.
How is my relationship?
I finally uttered the word - tired. Followed by exhausted and then very sad.
On the surface we have fun, and hang out, and hold hands but deep inside we are so depleted. We have built up so much resentment towards each other that it’s become a hardened old wound that when touched brings up so much pain that it clouds what we were fighting about in the first place. Over time, we have neglected all aspects of what a loving, fulfilling relationship used to be for us. Everything has become so censored, dry and cautious.
I started wondering, what message our relationship is sending to our son? I didn’t want him to grow up like I did where even seeing people kiss on TV would make me feel uncomfortable because sex, intimacy and affection was portrayed as something dirty.
I came home from my impromptu therapy session, spilling it’s contents on the kitchen counter. So there it was. Us. My husband and I carefully examined this bag of ancient artefacts, saddened by their lifeless appearance we decided to restore them to their former glory. We have made it our mission to bring sexy back in 2015. I know I am not alone here and invite other couples to join us in reigniting that old flame.
If things kept going the way they were for us, I am sure we would eventually head towards separation. I don’t want to become another divorce statistic. There’s a pattern here, I want to break it. I want to experience what life is all about. I want to return to love.
I hope you can join us on our little experiement. Approach it with lightness, playfulness, and curiosity. This is by no means gospel. Whatever I'm doing seems to be working for us. I hope that by sharing our journey we can send out the ripple of miracles to anyone that needs them.
So let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start). I went to a brilliant course recently - Basic Pranic Healing with Fara Curlews from the Pranic Healing Centre in Brisbane. The below image form our textbook Miracles Through Pranic Healing by Master Choa Kok Sui, depicting the Inner and Outer Auras of a Loving couple really resonated with me.
When a couple is in love, they are unstoppable. Their energies intertwine and empower each other, creating another aura between them that is their relationship. This is where it all begins. Your aura, your energy, how you feel inside, is so powerful that it can pull in circumstances and people that reflect what’s going on on the inside. I can write a whole series of posts on this, but for now let’s focus on the attraction between two people.
In a room full of people, without you even knowing, subtle unspoken spiritual conversations take place, guiding you towards some people and away from others. Our relationship started exactly like that. I was fresh out of another failed relationship, feeling strong, not looking for anything, enjoying my own company. And then bam! He came out of nowhere and rocked my world.
So here we were. Drunk in love. The sex was great, we couldn't keep our hands off eachother. Fast forward seven years and the distance between us is even evident in out photos. That energy has fizzled out. There are holes in our auras, and what was a bright, radiating bond, has been reduced to a tiny little lifeline, barely holding us from drifting off into the abyss.
My wonderful teacher, Fara, pointed out that in order to rebuild your auras you don’t have to wait for your partner to get on the same spiritual page as you. Many women (myself included) feel like their partner has to do yoga, meditate, do tantric breathing and embrace something that doesn’t feel natural for them. If your partner is into whatever you’re into that’s fantastic, but if they’re not, then you can carry on your own spiritual journey and know that you energy and light will be enough to iether heal the both of you, or give you enough power to realise that this is honestly not right for you and set you free.
So what does this mean? What builds your aura? Things like meditation, yoga, breathing, spending time in nature and other acts of self love will help restore your inner light. Find what works for you and build your energetic base. Both of you.
I have really embraced meditation this year, and it has worked wonders. I have managed to build enough energy to let down my guard and share my light again. As a result without, even making my husband do anything, he has come closer to me, both physically and emotionally. He has noticed something different. A light. And with curiosity he has been drawn in. Like attracts like remember? Whatever you have going on inside, will project itself on the outside. You can’t expect your partner to be loving towards you, when you are incable of not only loving yourself, but being receptive enought to receive love.
So if you’re playing along. Your homework is to start with yourself. Accept that it’s time to address your inner most desire for love and affection. Give yourself what you desire most and see what happens. Be open to receiving miracles. Be grateful when they happen.
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